Haunted by the devil in my dreams

I've been feverish for the past few days. First night it was peak 103. Next night it was peak 101. But tonight was the worst night and the peak was only 99. I was thrashing and crying. I kept dreaming over and over again that God had a system of picking out who would go to heaven. His system was (if I can remember it), if you got a specific number in bingo (or something) you would go to heaven. Sometimes I would dream I got the right number but was confused at why our family was spared and others weren't. But mostly, I got the wrong number and was forced to make a decision to try and take someone's winning number. Kinda like a version of Shirley Jackson's The Lottery. It was so wrong, it was so scary. I haven't had a nightmare in years and years, and only when I have a fever. In the midst of it, I woke up (still kinda in the dream world) thinking how could anyone follow a god like that. Thankfully reason returned after I got up, God chooses all of us, every last one of us, it's us who reject Him. It still is sad but somehow level, righteous, I don't know.

My stomach is still clenching and unclenching. I'd love to wake hubby up and get his very calm warm reaction. But if you know my hubby, waking him up is not the right thing to do. The only time he shows a temper is when he has been sleeping and you wake him. I don't know if I can go back to the bed, I think I will take a sleeping pill and sleep here on the couch. Of course that will mean no church, but it wasn't really a possibility with how sick I've been anyway.

Thank you God for being the God of Justice.