Give me strength

Tonight was youth for the boys. We have quite a crew going every friday. I love that those boys are getting to know Christ. He knows that they have all had rough lives so far and He wants to give them what they need to be strong, caring, loving men. I sometimes wish I could fix it all for them. I cannot. I am so heartbroken that my youngest admitted that he hadn't given his heart to Christ like he had confessed to me a couple years ago. For a couple of days I was so mad. I wanted to yell at him for his lie and for him not being right with God. But I hardly think this would be the way to show him the love of Christ. So I pretended that the reason I was mad was because I was tired.

I have been there where he is. Where your mom is pushing the religion hard. I have to remember that God has his arms around my boy and when the time is right he will show His love and my boy will accept Jesus into his heart. It is so hard not to force his hand. Hubby has a much softer hand in these things. I think John is a little off-kilter knowing this about DS. He actually tried to arguing.

I will pray some more for tact and love and understanding for myself with my son. He is a smart kid and I am not sure if I should reason with him for Christ or what. I am almost thinking that because DS and I are so alike that hubby should take him away for a weekend and talk about what Christ means to him. My sons adore their dad, he is showing them how to grow up to be a real man. How to stand by your wife and deal with all the stuff in life without alcohol or violence or sarcasm (okay maybe a wee bit of sarcasm...but only if it's funny).

God you know my son and you know what he needs to come to you. He will be great in your kingdom. Please give us the wisdom to say what you want us to say and do what you want us to do and to be silent when you want us to shut up.

Hearing and Following the will of God

It's funny. The more time I spend around Christians the more I hear the prayer, Lord show me your will. We are all running around with our heads cut off trying to follow a leader that is sometimes less than clear. It's like when you are a kid. When you are really young you get really clear direction from Mom and Dad. Please go get a kleenex. The kleenex box is on the table with your lego pirates and you can bring me the whole box. Which by the time they are teenagers...can you get me a snot rag, please....now!

Maybe the Lord as our heavenly Father, as we are infants in our walk, he gives us pretty clear direction. During the time that Hubby came to the Lord, he would see bumper stickers that would give him the answers to things that were bothering him. Not so much anymore. I think now walking with the Lord requires a great deal of patience and a healthy dose of self-denial.

Just recently we were presented with a deal for investing in a vacation home in Florida. It was a sweet deal. We would be giving money to a charity, and paying for our use of this house with our tax money. Getting CRA to pay for vacations ... SWEET. The problem was that it required 10K up front and an on-going income of 100K. Well, John and I were undecided and so we decided that we would put out a fleece. If God made the 10k come in easily then we would go forward. Well, a wierd thing happened. The friend of ours who was trying to sell us this deal told us that he could get us the money. No prob...what a miracle. We were so thankful. Then the very next day he called and asked when we would be able to come up with the money...huh??? So, someone flipped our fleece on us. I do not blame this friend in the slightest he was very concerned and trying to help. But God made it clear that this investment wasn't his will. One of John's big mortgages was delayed and I was told that my disability was very tenuous. God has another person out there for this investment. He has plans for us that will prosper us:

10This is what the LORD says: "When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfil my gracious promise to bring you back to this place.
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

The beginning of this quote is interesting. He says after I have punished you by sending you to Babylon, I will hug you and kiss you and prosper you. As Christians our time in Babylon was when we weren't saved. Now that we are saved we are regularly Hugged and Kissed and Called George (you have to watch Bugs Bunny to get that one). I can't wait to see what He plans for us. That black old cloud doesn't stand a chance when the Prince of Peace comes to call.

Feelings and God

I just read part of a post by David Pratte. The essence of the sermon was that feelings are mercurial and we are not to trust them. Here is his summary

We have learned in this study that we should avoid the abuse of emotions. At the same time, we should not overreact by concluding that all expression of emotion is bad and should be suppressed. The truth is that emotions can be good, but only when we are in control so that we are doing what is scriptural, understandable, and edifying.

It is only good and natural for Christians to feel and express emotions as they serve God. But we must not let emotions determine for us what we will believe or what we will do in worship, nor may we let them hinder people from understanding the meaning of what is done in worship.

What is the basis for your beliefs and your practices in worship?

I have lots of conflicting thoughts about this one. Oh so many. I am not an emotional person. I have emotions (a plenty) but my main way of thinking and reacting is logical. But, I so admire the person who can love Jesus so much that they actually jump for joy or sing in the rain or something. That is not me. I am the look in the Word and feel awe of it kind of girl. But I secretly want to be given over to emotion...lol.

The thing that bothers me about this is that it seems that you are made to either lean one way or the other. I like the idea that thought should lead the way and emotions follow the path the bible has laid out. But God gave us all these beautiful emotions to worship Him with.

Are emotions feminine and is that why they have been given a bad rap? I look at a bible study with Beth Moore. She is such an amazing woman and so beautifully emotional. Through her bible studies she has cried and then praised in the rain, danced and sang around her office and absolutely gushed about how great God is. How can that be wrong. I don't imagine that Beth was in control of her emotions while crying in the rain, she was relating and making a bond with God.

I guess that is it. I am wondering whether the bible has any verses that our relationship with God is a personal one. I haven't found one. I don't know what websters describes as personal, but for me a personal relationship with someone is a relationship where we have met each other and have some sort of bond. I do have a relationship with my husband and my mother and my kids and my friends, I do not have a relationship with the neighbour next store that I see sporadically throughout the year. So from my definition the bond is what defines the relationship for me (it will no doubt be different for others), and Jesus and I we have one heck of a bond. He loves me and He died for me, that would make every other bond I have subordinate.

Something else occurs to me, this personal relationship I have with the maker of the universe. I don't expect anything out of it. Not that I am not getting anything out of it. Not that I don't plead for things, but I don't expect anything (beyond Him to fulfill the promises He has made). I love God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit and it would seem presumptuous for me to think that God should heal me, because He loves me. I understand that God knows me down to the numbers of hairs on my head, I know that he loves me and wants to prosper me. But I am so okay with letting Him decide when to heal me (here or in heaven). Maybe that some people are trying to make, that God is a personal God in that we have a bond, but the idea that we have an "in" with Him and we can get what we want done if we only believe...not so much.